'AITA for how I reacted to my wife going out to dinner with a male coworker?'
"AITA for how I reacted to my wife going out to dinner with a male coworker?"
My wife and I have been married for 3 years and together for 7. Last year, my wife had a miscarriage and it was a really hard time for her. She struggled a lot with it, and I was there for her and supported her through it.
Last week, my wife asked me if she could take her co worker out to a French restaurant for dinner since he was French too. I was really uncomfortable with it, and I asked my wife why couldn’t she take him out for breakfast, because a dinner just felt intimate.
My wife however really wanted to do it and promised there was nothing intimate in it, and it was just getting to know him. My wife and I also share our locations with each other. After thinking about it for a bit, I told her sure, because she had been through a lot the past year, and if this would help her mentally, then good for her.
My wife was really grateful and thanked me a lot, but I was still really uncomfortable and sad about it. I wasn’t myself around my wife and my wife noticed it, and she apologized a lot if me being down was about her going out with the co worker. I however told her I just needed some space and time to work things through.
Last Saturday, I took my sister and my nephew out to a movie. I told my wife I didn’t want her to come because I needed some space from her. My wife seemed really hurt but I just wanted to be away from her for a few hours.
After the movie, I also took my sister and nephew out to an Italian restaurant and I texted my wife about it. My wife and I usually go out on weekends, but that day, I just told her to do her own thing.
And to be honest, the movie and the dinner really helped, and I think I am over it now. When I came back home I was really happy, but my wife still seemed sad. I apologized and told her I just needed some time away from her, but that seems to have done the trick because I was feeling mentally refreshed.
It’s been a couple of days, and my wife and I are mostly back to normal, but my wife still seems somewhat sad. Was I the AH?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
I don’t mean this in a disrespectful way because I’m pretty ignorant to alot of social norms. But is taking your co worker out to dinner normal? Was it just the two of them or did more co workers come too?
The two countries I've lived in though, it would be considered highly inappropriate and unprofessional.
It might be a cultural thing, because italy/austria we do friend dinners and is a genuine thing. (Even with co workers). Turkey/USA people gave me some really weird looks for it. My current gf (Korean heritage) would probably have a severe issue with it 😅
I'm italian born in Italy and lived here for almost 35 years but taking your coworker out for dinner IS NOT a genuine thing, at all lol. Its wayy to intimate. Maybe an aperitivo, or a breakfast. But definitely not dinner.
Plot twist - coworker lives above a French restaurant.
It really depends on the circumstances. I do a fair amount of traveling for my job and in those situations, definitely will grab dinner or drinks with my coworkers. The fact that this is one-on-one, pre-planned, and a high end restaurant combined all make it a bit more sus.
Totally normal. Depends on the people. If I want Indian I can’t go with my husband he won’t eat it. But I have other friends some from work who will. And what about when your s.o. Is out of town and you don’t want to cook. Asking a coworker is normal. Taking out a new coworker, normal. Asking people over for dinner also normal.
It is normal in the UK. Someone here said French restaurants are “intimate”. So ONLY French restaurants are intimate? As a French person, I’m laughing.
Ikr by British standards it’s no more intimate than him taking his sister and nephew for dinner and a movie. And I’d expect in France too.
Why couldn't the husband go along if it was just a couple friends or co workers having dinner?
Ugh. I have a friend who tries to bring her partner everywhere and sometimes it's just not appropriate. If work friends get together, the talk will be about work. Nobody needs the awkwardness of an unwanted extra. If he's trusts his wife then let her go. Couples don't need to be inseparable.
She takes a dude on a date and then wonders why you are acting distant from her, she needs to understand what she has done.
A date where she asked her husband first and left her location on the whole time?? Y’all are nuts.
I'm a pretty understanding spouse when it comes to business norms. Your wife inviting a male colleague to a romantic intimate restaurant just the two of them for dinner is not normal.