'AITA for refusing to work Thanksgiving so my co-worker can celebrate with her kids?'
"AITA for refusing to work Thanksgiving so my co-worker can celebrate with her kids?"
28F. I recently got engaged and have been at my current job for a little over two years now. I love my job, and feel honored to do it, but one downside is that we’re needed 365 days a year and so it’s common to work on holidays.
The general rule is that individuals who are new are first in line to work on Thanksgiving and Christmas. There’s also an informal expectation that individuals without kids will cover those shifts so parents can celebrate with their families. People at work especially seem to care about moms being home with their children.
This year, I’m scheduled to work on Christmas, but get Thanksgiving off. This is my first holiday off since I’ve been on the job, so I’m very excited. One of my co-workers, June, was in the same hiring class as me.
She’s a few years older because she started grad school late, and is married with two young kids. On Friday, she approached me and asked if I would be willing to cover her shift on Thanksgiving so she could celebrate with her kids.
I was a bit upset, since I’ve been looking forward to celebrating with my family, fiancé, and future in-laws this year. As I mentioned, I just got engaged, and this is the first time our families are doing a blended holiday. I explained the situation to June, and she said that her daughters deserve to have their mom with them on Thanksgiving.
I suggested celebrating the holiday on a later date with her family because I wasn’t going to be covering for her. June was annoyed, and said I was breaking the informal code of the office.
I spoke to my mentor about this (she’s in her fifties and has kids) and she thinks I should have agreed to cover for June so her kids could be with their mother on Thanksgiving. I said that the expectation isn’t fair, since June was the one who decided to have kids and also chose an intense line of work where she sometimes has to work holidays.
Additionally, it’s unfair that individuals who chose not to have children are penalized for the decisions of others and are expected to always work holidays. She asked me to take a step back and realize it’s not about being fair to June or me, but doing what’s right for the kids who already don’t get to see their mother as often as they’d like because she’s serving our country.
She said if I chose to have kids one day, I may think about it differently. I’m pretty clear about the fact that when I decide to have kids, I won’t expect my co-workers to pay the price for that decision.
I’ll note that my job is certainly a public service, and the institution prides itself on doing what’s best for the country rather than for ourselves. I’m alright with sacrificing my time to help the general public, but also, I don’t think I should be pressured into working every holiday so my co-workers can be with the kids THEY brought into this world. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
incogvee said:
NTA, everyone deserves to celebrate holidays with family kids or no kids. June can deal with working Thanksgiving. You already have plans and that's the answer. "June, this is my first holiday off and I've made plans to celebrate with my family."
ExtremeAssistance595 said:
This is your manager's problem to fix, not yours! Don’t feel guilty, NTA.
Useful_Context_2602 said:
NTA - expecting you to work both major holidays is a no-no.
InedibleCalamari42 said:
The fact that this is your FIRST holiday off in the *two years of your employment should carry more weight, IMO. NTA. June can celebrate with her kids on another day. And she can be giving thanks she has a job.
Fredredphooey said:
NTA and you need a new mentor. It's absolutely BS that you should give up your holiday for someone who didn't plan better. Lots of people celebrate holidays on an alternative date and it's never injured anyone. Stand your ground and don't give away your holiday.
Far_Blueberry3220 said:
NTA. Could she have taken a vacation day? I mean that would make sure she'd have off and aren't relying on an INFORMAL rule, which seems to be code for guilt tripping coworkers. Her inability to plan a day off, does not make an emergency on your part. Enjoy your first blended holiday!