'AITA for refusing to change my daughter's name?' 'A child would get bullied with that name.'

"AITA for refusing to change my daughter's name?"

My sister and I were raised my our stepmother and father. Our stepmother was very close to us and more of a mother than our actual mother has ever been. She passed away about five years ago after losing her battle to cancer.

Her name was Leigh-Ann and it was very important for me to honor her by naming my child after her. We selected the name Leanna in order to honor Leigh-Ann while being somewhat different and more modern.

My sister had the same idea with wanting to honor Leigh-Ann and named her 2yo Lee. We told her that we chose the name Leanna for the child we are expecting. Sister is very upset because she said that it clashes with her baby name choices.

My sister is not currently pregnant, but wanted to name her future daughter Ann or Anna as another way to honor Leigh-Ann. She thinks it would be stupid for her kids to be named Lee and Anna with a cousin named Leanna.

I agree that that would be confusing as we have a pretty close family and the kids would be seeing each other a lot. However, we had no clue that she wanted to do another honor name for a future kid. Going into this we knew that Lee and Leanna are pretty similar names but I thought they were different enough that it wouldn't be too weird or confusing.

I do feel bad because she already had a baby name picked out for her future daughter and we would somewhat be making it "not able to be used." However, we were both close to Leigh-Ann and I don't think she should be the only one that gets to use an honor name. At the end of the day, she can still name any future kids whatever she wants. And I have the same right.

After thinking long and hard about it, we told her that we were still gonna use the name. We want to honor Leigh-Ann and no other names considered "feel right" for this baby. Sister has been making passive-aggressive comments since then.

For example, we were out shopping with her and Lee and Lee picks out some kind of stuffed animal. Lee dropped it the walmart parking lot on the way back to the car. My sister quickly picks it up and hands it to him saying "careful buddy, she might want to steal that too." I'm pretty sure she was trying to imply that we stole a version of his name or something but the whole interaction was pretty weird in my opinion.

EDITS:

Her middle name is Karen for people asking in the comments. I don't want to use it for obvious reasons and neither does my sister. This is also really the only name me and my SO both can agree on as we have very different naming styles. I prefer more classic names like Rachel or Paula or Maxine. He likes more trendy names like Moon or Adrian.

I don't plan on using any more honor names for Leigh-Ann in the future. We have Naomi and Steven (honor name from the father's side) picked out for any future children. I don't like any girl versions of Steven either. So, no I'm not gonna name her Stephanie or whatever. This child is not Naomi though because it feels very wrong. We've tried referring to her as Naomi and it just isn't her name if that makes sense.

If sister had a child name Steven or Naomi I would not care. I don't own a name and she is free to name her future child whatever she wants. Her name is gonna be Karina Y'all. Karina Lake. Lake may sound like a weird middle name but it's for Leigh-Ann Karen and her last name that started with E. Leanna is off the name list for good.

I don't wanna ruin my relationship with my sister and nephew over a name. I can't find the comment back but someone was recommending names and said Bertha. I actually love it because its very classic but I feel like a child would get bullied with that name.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

sticksnstone said:

NTA - We have 4 human John's in our immediate family and 11 ceramic john's. Somehow we manage to keep them all straight in conversations. If she is intent on honoring stepmother when she is pregnant, she can use Leigh as a middle name. First in time, first in line. I lost out on Miles as a name for my son for my grandfather. Wasn't the end of the world. I used it as a middle.

Fresh_Caramel8148 said:

NTA. First, why does your sister get to honor your step-mother TWICE and you don't get to at all??? Second, the 2nd name is for a hypothetical child. IF she has another baby and IF she has a girl. No- it's ridiculous to hold out for that.

Third, cousins having similar names is FINE. Heck, cousins having the SAME name is fine. It happens - people survive!! My husband has multiple cousins with the name David (the same as his brother) AND the same last name.

rockology_adam said:

NTA but expect it to be something that comes up every now and then for a while. The key here is that the issues your sister is having is not that you want to honour your stepmother as well, but that you are choosing something that interferes with her plans.

Oh well. Name your kid what you want to name here. You actually have a baby on the way who needs a name, not an imaginary baby who may or may never exist.

throwawayanon387 said:

NTA. She can name her future kid whatever she wants but she can’t boss you around about what you can and can’t name the kid you’re currently pregnant with. It’s very entitled of her to think she’s the only one that can name her kids a name that honor your step mom. Her little snide comments would piss me off honestly.

HeartUpstairs said:

NTA. Your sister needs to be more mature. You are actually having this baby, she can’t reserve all the possible names she wants for a daughter IF…IF she has a girl. And where does that leave you? With an inability to honor your step mom? Please. She had her first pick with her son. You get your first pick for your daughter.

Plus, they are different names. There are plenty of ways to honor your step mom with her second child down the road. There are middle names and many more variations too.

I think for the sake of the relationship, you should cease the open conversation about it. Especially if she is taking jabs at you by talking to her son in a backhanded way. There is no guarantee she will have a daughter so her claim on this is a bit selfish.

Jerseygirl2468 said:

NTA because you can name your kid what you want, and she can't call dibs on a name for a potential future child. That said, while I understand you both wanting to honor her, Lee and Leeana are VERY close, personally in your sister's shoes, I'd be more annoyed by that than using the Anna part she wanted someday.