Mom tells adult children, 'chores are for girls,' daughter refuses to help. AITA? 'This is your job.'

"AITA for refusing to do house chores after my mom said only girls should do them?"

So I (22F) live at home with my parents and siblings — including my brothers (23M, 21M, and 18M) and my younger sister. The house needed a deep clean, and I suggested that it would be faster and fairer if everyone pitched in — not just the girls. My mom actually agreed at first and said, “That sounds like a good idea.” I was actually surprised and thought we were all on the same page.

But then she told me to start by vacuuming all the carpets, and told my sister to do some other chores around the house. We got to work, but I started wondering when my brothers were going to be called in to help. They were just playing video games in the other room the whole time.

I asked her about it, and she basically told me to be quiet and just do the work. When I said it didn’t feel fair that she was only making the girls do the chores, she got mad and said something like, “Never in my life have I seen a girl act like this. Aren’t you embarrassed?”

I reminded her that she agreed the boys should help too, and she responded, “I never said we would actually do that. They’re boys. You and your sister are girls. This is your job.”

To give some context, my family believes that men should work outside and women should do the inside work. My brothers are adults now, but they don't have jobs and aren’t expected to do either the "man jobs" or "woman jobs." They’re free to sit around and play video games & don't have to help anyone while my sister and I do all the work.

I even tried to ask my dad to step in, but he just ignored me and kind of mocked me. At this point, I’ve stopped doing the chores out of protest. My mom is now really angry at me and thinks I’m being disrespectful and lazy. I feel like I’m just standing up for what’s fair, but part of me wonders if I’m being a jerk by refusing to help now. So, AITA?

Here's what people had to say about this one:

NickName2506 said:

NTA, this is sexist behavior. You're an adult, so I'd recommend you start to prepare for moving out and building a life on your own terms.

dogtriestocatchfly said:

NTA I have some friends that grew up in homes like these. Blatant favoritism towards the sons, ridiculous double standards towards the daughters. In no way has it helped in their development, rather it has greatly hindered them. Do not go along with what your mom says and make sure to protect your sister from this too.

Tell mom you’re only going to do as much as your brothers. I’m sure she says a lot of other sexist comments too, Just know where you stand and don’t feel pressure to behave the way she says. You are not doing anything wrong. Your sister needs a good role model and the rest of your family is not it.

I would also talk to your brothers, because they need to learn that this is not okay. They can’t grow up to treat their girlfriends/wives/any women this way. Mom needs to change if she wants any relationship with you in the future, but idk if that’s possible at her age.

Miss_Melody_Pond said:

NTA. I’d be ashamed to raise boys to believe they could sit on their arses gaming while the females cleaned the house. Your parents are setting them up to completely fail in life. You’re 22, save your money, take your skills and move into your own space.

Affectionate_Door607 said:

NTA - just tell your mom, I have changed my view. This is the responsibility of a wife and mother. As I am neither and won’t sign up for such roles at this time, it’s your job mom. Mom this is a dirty house, you should do a better job.

Redditnewbie2022 said:

Okay, so why aren't they changing the oil in the cars, mowing the lawn, taking out the trash, picking up sticks and leaves in the yard, and fixing broken things around the house? If your parents want to split things into stereotypical male jobs and female jobs, then there should be plenty for the boys to do to keep them busy!

I'm sorry (but not really sorry), but your mom and dad are raising gross men who no women will want. It'd be one thing if they were out all day working their day jobs and now taking some time to relax, but Jesus, they are just lazy and will forever be inept at this rate.

Just know this, you and your sister will succeed in life, and you'll be visiting your parents with your brothers still living at home well into their 30s and 40s!! They have absolutely NO life skills.

Mountain-Blood-7374 said:

Nta. It’s not surprising your dad didn’t step up for you, it didn’t benefit him to do so and would’ve actually lead to him needing to help as well. This type of toxic mindset will probably never change. If you have the means to move out in the near future that is the only way you’ll escape this. Good for you for standing up for yourself in the meantime.

unluckysupernova said:

NTA. I had a live in boyfriend that was raised like your brothers. HAD. We lived in an apartment. There was no “outside jobs”. When I eventually told him to get out, he was shocked, despite me complaining for years about being the only one taking any responsibility. I was the breadwinner, it was my apartment, he brought literally nothing to the table.

Your brothers are going to grow old alone and bitter since women are not willing to cater to them. If they have enough money to pay for a cleaner, great. Your mom is going to get increasingly mad at them for mooching off them. Your brothers are going to literally eat away any retirement funds or inheritance there is.

Get out fast and consider yourself lucky: you have the skills to take care of yourself in life. Never enter a relationship with a man who isn’t doing his share (meaning all of his own messes and half of the shared chores) of the “inside jobs”. Put everything on paper. You’re literally better off alone than with a man like your brothers. And there are better ones out there, so don’t settle.