'AITA for banning my sister from ever seeing my daughter again after what she did?' UPDATED

"AITA for banning my sister from every seeing my daughter again?"

I (36M) got married 12 years and my wife and I had a daughter (Rebecca 10F). My sister (Lindsey) never really liked my wife and I had to put some strong boundaries in place. It was not a good time and Lindsey really hated my wife more since she said I was choose my wife over family.

Well two months ago my wife's father got really sick and after a long talk we decided that she will go take care of him until he passes away. (That's the last of her family). We thought he would move in with us but he wanted to go at his home. So my wife packed her stuff and fly across the country to him and is his full time caretaker. He probably has a month or two more.

When Lindsey heard about this, she made a comment at dinner when Rebecca was at the table that my wife has abandoned her. This was the last straw and I went no contact with her. Rebecca really loves her Aunt though and its been hard. Rebecca wants to hang out with her Aunt and I have refused to let her.

I work from home and yesterday around lunch time I can't find her. There is a note in her room saying she went to have lunch with Lindsey. I was furious and tracked Rebecca's phone (the first time that has every happened) and they were at restaurant. I get there as fast as possible and grabbed my kid. I told Lindsey she will never see my daughter again.

This started an argument and I literally walked out half way though. Rebecca the whole time was crying and I asked for her phone. She gave it and I deleted her Aunts contact information and told her you will never be talking to her again as long as you are a minor. She was crying even more. I told my wife and she thinks I did the right thing and has been on the phone with Rebecca a lot since it happened.

I have been fending off calls from all my family calling me a jerk. I need an honest option since Rebecca and my family sure thing I am awful.

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

Inconceivable44 said:

NTA. You sister took a 10 year old out of her home without informing either parent. She planned it in advance and likely asked your daughter to keep it a secret from you. And people are calling you a jerk? What if you didn't find the note? How many times could this have happened before? In the future? Definitely NTA, and shame on anyone who tells you otherwise.

Corduroycat1 said:

NTA But please have a gentle discussion with your daughter. Right now she thinks you are being mean and barring her from seeing her aunt for no reason. Explain your initial reason in a way she can understand. Then tell her how scared you were when you did not know where she was. That her aunt taking her somewhere without your permission was really wrong.

Right now there is a strong chance if your sister showed up again your daughter would go with her. Your daughter feels she is being punished and kept from her beloved auntie for no good reason. You have to make her understand that what the aunt said was unacceptable. Maybe tell her it is not permanent (even if it is) but aunt has to be on time out essentially.

And now that she took your daughter like that it proved you cannot trust her even more so now she needs a longer time out. Do whatever you can to explain and make her realize if she does go with her aunt again the aunt will be in serious trouble and that will make it even longer before they can truly hang out again.

(Right now if she goes with her aunt she sees it as she has nothing to lose but will get to spend time with her)

Mad_Cowboy_64 said:

NTA, you could go nuclear and file a restraining order against her as she encouraged your daughter to “run away” without your knowledge or consent. I believe the official criminal charge is Interfering with Custody of a Minor.

And missangel21 said:

NTA simply for the fact that Lindsey took your 10 yo daughter out of your house without getting your permission first. What if you hadn't found the note? I would've been so upset and scared if my child went missing like that. That's so irresponsible and shows very poor judgement on her behalf.

A few weeks later, he shared this update:

So it has been like 2 1/2 weeks since all this happened, thank you to everyone that responded. So after this whole mess, me and my daughter traveled to were my wife is and her dad. We are all going to stay there until her dad passes away and I have a feeling it will be soon, he is not doing well.

Rebecca is still kinda upset that she won't see her Aunt again but having her mom around really helps. My wife and I discussed it for a long time and we decided to make a paper trail about what happened, so all that happened it now on record.

My family kept blowing my phone up for a bit until I told them she is lucky I didn't call the cops. They got quiet for a bit and according to my cameras, showed up at my place. It took them a while to figure out we left to be with my wife.

Now Lindsey, yesterday it must have sunk in that I wasn't joking and she called so many time and I gave in to see what she had to say. It was a long apology on her end and asked if she can see Rebecca. I told her no, that she needs to stay away and she crossed a huge boundary. She asked if she could talk to my wife, I put her on speaker. Lindsey then apologized to my wife about what she did.

My wife was quite brutal and basically said if she really meant it then stay away from them. At the moment, Lindsey won't be seeing my daughter again for a bit. If she does stay away then maybe she will see us a thanksgiving and Christmas. If she doesn't behave then probably won't see my kid until she is 18. Again thank you to everyone for the good advice.

Edit: She knows why, it was explained. Still Lindsey was a huge part of her life. Its like when you have a friend that is great to you but she is awful to others. It's I can be her friend since she is nice to me and ignore what that friend does to others