'AITA for asking my pregnant colleague if she is having a boy or a girl?' 'I was just trying to be friendly.'
"AITA for asking my pregnant colleague if she is having a boy or a girl?"
Today at our weekly team meeting one of my colleagues announced that she is pregnant and will be going on maternity leave in April. Everyone reacted with congratulations and excitement for her, and I did too. We all told her we're very happy for her and her family and wish her all the best.
A few minutes later, I was in the elevator with her and 3 of our other team members (so 5 of us out of a total team of 11 people) on our way back to our desks. Just for the sake of conversation, I asked her if she is having a boy or a girl. Her face kind off fell and she grimly and shortly said "boy." I thought it was strange that she reacted like this, but let it go.
Then after I was back at my desk, she came up to me and said that my question was inappropriate, that she was planning on announce the gender herself but I "forced" her to say it like that in an elevator, so now half of our team knows and it "killed the magic." I was honestly really confused and apologized profusely. She lectured me on how I shouldn't be asking personal questions and walked away.
I honestly couldn't have thought this was in any way a personal question. Is it too personal? I'm a 24 year old dude and I don't know anything about pregnant women or babies or social customs, I guess. I was just trying to be friendly. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Winterfox1994 said:
NTA gender announcements and reveals are only special to the person announcing it and I feel they’ve gotten so out of hand. Quite frankly she could have just said “I’ll wait to announce that myself to everyone if you don’t mind"...
But she decided to be petty af about it and her being pregnant and “hormones” isn’t an excuse to deflect bad behavior onto you, someone who was being kind asking questions. Don’t bother getting her a gift.
ifactra said:
That‘s a perfectly appropriate question and she needs to get over herself. It‘s not like you ruined a family surprise. She could’ve answered more gracefully, along the lines of "We‘re actually keeping it a secret for everyone, but I‘m excited to tell you at the reveal!“ She made it awkward all by herself, NTA.
Polly265 said:
NTA she could have just said she didn't know yet or even oh we are not telling people yet we are saving it for the reveal party. She chose to answer the question and then got huffy about you asking instead of being mad at herself. It was a normal question you had a right to ask; she did not have to answer.
AgnarCrackenhammer said:
NTA. That's like the second or third question most people will ask after someone says they're pregnant. Sounds like your co-worker has a bit of main character syndrome.
OkeyDokey654 said:
NTA. All she had to do was say “we’re not ready to announce it yet.” Also you apparently prevented her from doing a big gender reveal at work, so kudos to you.
keesouth said:
NTA. That's a perfectly normal and ok question to ask. Not everything needs to be a major announcement but if that' what she wanted she could have told you that she wants to announce it to everyone at the same time. You didn't force anything on her.
Cultural_Section_862 said:
NTA, she could have simply said I'm not sure yet, or I'm planning on doing an announcement - which imo is gross anyways- you asked a question, she chose to answer.