'AITA for screaming at my parents because of my brother’s lateness? It keeps ruining things for me.'

"AITA for screaming at my parents because of my brother’s lateness that keeps ruining things for me?"

I (16F) feel like I’ve hit my limit with my older brother (17M). Over the past two weeks, I’ve had mock exams at 8:40 AM. When my dad is home, he drives us instead of us taking the bus. You’d think this would make things easier, but my brother ruins it every single time.

I told him to be ready by 8:05, but he was late every single time, usually by 10 minutes or more. He’d blame my mum for his late breakfast or say he couldn’t find his clothes. When I pointed it out, he’d tell me to “just take the bus” instead of owning up. But when my dad is home, I’d rather not waste money on the bus or stress about whether it’s on time.

During his exams, I was ready early every morning and sat at school 40 minutes early just to help him. But now that it’s my turn, he doesn’t care. He told me to wake him earlier if I want him ready, but why should I? I can get ready in 20 minutes. He takes over an hour and still blames everyone else.

He never faces consequences. My school starts earlier, and my teachers are strict because I was often late last year. If I’m late now, I’m humiliated in front of my class and given a 30-minute detention. Meanwhile, his school doesn’t punish lateness much, so he doesn’t care.

It’s not just about school. We had doctor’s appointments booked 10 minutes apart. I let him take the earlier one since he wanted to get to school faster. He had two hours to get ready but still made us late because he was brushing his teeth at the last second. If we missed the check-in, we’d have waited hours, but he didn’t care and said, “I’ll just take your appointment.”

Once again, his lateness would have had me take on the consequences. This happens all the time, and I’m exhausted. Between exam stress and constantly cleaning up his messes, I finally snapped. I screamed at him and my parents, calling them all incompetent.

My parents allow his behaviour and treat a 17-year-old like a baby. My mum makes him 3 dishes for breakfast, packs him lunch even though he already eats at school, and cooks two dinners for him—one before and one after his gym session. He demands every meal of his has to have protein in it. If his football clothes aren’t ready, he yells at her.

He does nothing for himself because he knows my parents will pick up the slack. He spends hundreds of pounds every Christmas and birthday but won’t lift a finger for anyone else. Whenever I try to talk about it, my parents tell me to “let it go” because “talking about it won’t change anything.”

I’m sick of being punished for his selfishness and being treated like my frustration doesn’t matter. All I’ve done is try to stay organized, but all the consequences land on me while they don't affect him at all. AITA for screaming at them after everything I’ve been through?

The internet had a lot of thoughts.

Tdluxon wrote:

NTA...

...But I don't think yelling at your parents will ultimately get any change (feel free to do it anyways just for fun if you want). I'd just always plan to take the bus, handle everything for yourself on your own and just focus on handling you.

Even if your dad offers to drive you, just tell him "no, you've made me late too many times, I can't be late again and I can't trust that you'll be on time." It's unfair but at this point they aren't going to change. and you'll probably be moving out in a couple of years anyways.

OP responded:

Thank you! Usually the bus doesn't come early enough for me to attend help classes before the exams so I guess I'll have to give that up.

I don't think anything I say to my parents will help them wake up so yes you're right, I'll just start being more independent. Thanks again :))

HandBananasRevenge wrote:

NTA. They needed to hear it, though I doubt they’ll do much. Your brother is the golden child and they have coddled him way too much. It’s sad because they have done him such a disservice. Your brother is going to be in for a very rude awakening when he realizes that unlike his parents, the rest of the world won’t tolerate his BS.

I would figure out how to separate yourself from being reliant on your brother for anything. It’s beyond him simply being inconsiderate. This is weaponized incompetence. It’s almost like he’s trying to sabotage you just to make the point that he can do it and get away with it. Shame on him and shame on your parents for raising a toddler in a teenagers body.

Damnitgravity wrote:

You're learning a harsh lesson of life: sometimes, friends and family just aren't reliable people. The second lesson is that you can love someone, but not like them. You're also about to experience something almost every woman and a lot of men have dealt with: checking out of the relationship.

You're at home still, you still talk to your family in a civil manner, you may even have fun now and then, but overall, you put up a wall to protect yourself. You need to become independent, because you're learning that the only person you can currently rely on is you.

Even if your dad offers to drive you, take the bus. Don't just stop giving way to your brother, but stop doing anything with him. Taking your example of the doctor's appointment, don't go with your family. If you need to see a doctor, arrange the appointment yourself, for a day and time that you can get there by yourself.

NTA. Yelling at your parents has likely done nothing, and their behaviour won't change. They won't realise what an entitled little bastard they've created until he either fails to get a job and move out, or he moves out and still expects them to take care of him and pay his bills. Meanwhile, you'll be living your best life, and won't need them. They will only be in your life if you want them.

Shdf1 wrote:

NTA. However…

You will go farther in life because you are the responsible one. His parents have enabled him to remain childish on the cusp of manhood.

Stop allowing his lateness to be your problem. He’s been late for YEARS, yet you have still allowed him to affect your schedule. Stop hoping for change. Ensure that you have your own ride. Refuse to take him anywhere, or to ride in a car with him anywhere, if it will make you late for anything.

That’s how you deal with chronically late people.

You said you don’t want to spend money on a bus. Do your parents make you pay for that? If so, that’s not right but, again, accept the reality of your circumstances rather than wish it were different.

Take that bus every single time, or arrange a carpool with punctual friends. It’s gotten to the point where he has affected your schooling, and that cannot stand. Unless they physically drag you back home, your parents can’t stop you taking the bus or carpooling. Seize control of the situation. Your own actions are all you can control.