'AITA for going home early from work and being upset about my husband’s best friend’s comments?'
"AITA for going home early from work (with permission) and being upset about my husband’s best friend’s comments?"
For context, my husband’s best friend (let’s call him “Jake”) lives with us. He pays a small amount in rent (about 1/4 of what it’s worth), helps out by watering my plants (I pay for all the supplies), and feeding my cat (I buy the food—my cat just likes hanging out in the upstairs area where Jake lives). Jake also works with my husband, and I recently started working there as well.
Recently, I got sick and was sent home from work for a week. After a few days, I was feeling well enough to head into the office briefly to sort out some work and then head back home to rest. This was cleared with my boss beforehand.
When I was getting ready to leave, I went to say goodbye to my husband. Jake was there too and made a snarky comment along the lines of, “You must understand how this looks to everyone that works here, and if you’re sick, you should stay home and not come in.”
This really rubbed me the wrong way. Jake isn’t in any kind of authority over my position, and this isn’t the first time he’s made comments when I’ve been allowed to leave work early due to personal circumstances. I feel like it’s overstepping, especially since my boss had no issue with me coming in briefly.
Now I’m wondering: AITA for going home early with permission, or for being upset about Jake’s comments?
EDIT: I have pneumonia so its not contagious and "Jake" and I don't work in the same department.
The internet jumped on with lots of thoughts.
Current-Name1334 wrote:
NTA. He should have kept that to himself. It was rude. But just to try to understand his side, are you working in the same department? Is he being affected by you being off with a workload increase?
Does he hate his job and is just jealous you're off and he's not? Is what you have contagious, and he's worried about getting sick and missing work himself? None of these really matter. What he said is still rude. I'm just wondering if it's coming from somewhere.
OP responded:
We work in different departments, im in admin he is in sales. So he isn't affected by the work load, I have pneumonia so its not contagious. He always complains about me being able to leave earlier then him, I leave at 3 some days because I have to fetch my children from school. He is a single man with no children so no personal responsibility to fetch children.
FauvesxMcw wrote:
NTA Jake is rude and condescending. He is also indebted to you living in your home at a discounted rate. Your health and attendance is none of his business. I would tell your husband what happened and have him talk to him- I'm surprised he didn't stick up for you at the time. Try and limit contact with him as much as you can. He sounds toxic.
BlindUmpBob wrote:
NTA. Jake's biting the hand that feeds him. Normally, I'd say ask your husband to speak with his friend, but since he lives in your house, you should feel free to address this yourself. Two possible courses to consider. You could certainly report him to HR.
Or you could tell him since he has shown he has no regard for you as his best friend's wife, he can start paying fair value in rent. His 3rd choice would be to STFU and not stick his nose in your business.
Cheesemakingmom wrote:
NTA. Jake has no supervisory role over you. Please address this with your actual supervisor, perhaps with a follow-up email to both your supervisor and Jake outlining the chain of command and reporting structure.
If this continues to be a problem, continue to document it and report it to HR. It will become uncomfortable at home, so perhaps a change in living arrangements needs to be made, starting with allowing Jake to find alternate housing.
Sunshineshoulder87 wrote:
Jake’s practically living in your home for free and with almost no responsibilities, still spends a ton of time with your husband beyond time at home, and jumped on an opportunity to take you down a peg. You may want to watch them…but I also watch too much Dateline and should probably go touch some grass.
NTA. Pneumonia has a long recovery, so you trying to work a little and then needing to rest is normal. Reason Folks at work probably appreciated your attempt to chip in and understood you having to leave.
Sfb208 wrote:
Info. Were you on some kind of phased return that you came back before you were considered well enough by the person who signed you off?
Because if you were signed off by a doctor who said you weren't fit to work for a week, then you should have stayed off, both because you should be taking your pneumonia seriously and looking after yourself, but also because you might be endangering your work's liability insurance by working when unfit to do so.
You also unconsciously put pressure on others to work when sick, which isn't cool. Saying that, it's none of Jake's business and he should mind his own business, and not bite the hand that houses him at low rent.
wicked-valentina wrote:
NTA. Jake is a misogynist. He can't stand even the perception of a woman having more benefits than him. WHHHY do you get time off??? WHHHY do you get to leave work early? Waaaaaaah! Mommy It's not fair!!! He needs to grow up, sure.
What makes it misogyny is that he refuses to acknowledge the very real reasons that you have gotten the time off (pneumonia), take off early (to do more work at home: pick up kids/cook) and have been given leeway to do so by your boss (professional perks to keep a valued employee?).
He is dripping with envy, but you have no reason to put up with it, especially when he's living in your house like a beggar and eating your food. Raise his rent.