'AITA for destroying my fiance's relationship with his son after discovering he cheated?'
"AITA for destroying my fiance's relationship with his son?"
I (26F) have been in a relationship with my fiance (27 M) for four years and we were set to get married in July before all of this happened. For some context, we met in high school when I was an exchange student in his home country.
We dated briefly while I was living there, but we broke up as we both agreed long distance wasn't going to work for us. Years later, he moved to my city and started talking again, which lead to a formal relationship between us.
He moved in with me a few months ago and everything was great for a while. Another important detail is that his family is still at his hometown, which he visits every month, as his mother has poor health and cannot travel easily.
I can't go with him very often due to work related issues, but we always keep in contact through the day, which never made me suspicious. Now, into the main issue. Last night, I received a phone call from his country. I knew his sister had recently changed her number, so I thought nothing of it, but it was a woman's voice I'd never heard before at the other side of the line.
As soon as I answered, she started shouting at me, cursing so fast I could hardly understand her. I cut off the call, but she sent me a bunch of texts, claiming she was my fiance's girlfriend and demanding I leave my apartment as I was clearly "after his money." To say I was flabbergasted would be an understatement.
I replied by sending her a photos of our engagement party and some of when we were in high school, explaining that we've been together long before she started dating him. She called again but this time, when I answered, she was sobbing and told me they have a son together.
Apparently, they used to be friends with benefits but decided to get together for the sake of her son. Earlier that day, she caught him messaging me, so she unlocked his phone and, when confronted with the evidence, he said I was just a fling who meant nothing to him, who didn't care about his "real family" and refused to leave his apartment.
I told her my side of the story, including that I'm the only one in the lease and that I knew nothing about her or her child. She apologized for her prior call and hung up.After a while, my fiance called me crying, berating me for "ruining his life", as his GF had broken up with him, kicked him of her house and said she would make sure he never gets to see his son.
He then asked me if I was happy with myself, so I said yes and hung up. I'm crushed by this, and it kinda makes me feel better to know that he was dumped, but a part of me feels bad for causing him to lose his relationship with his kid, so I'm asking you, AITA for telling his GF the truth?
The internet did not hold back one bit.
Dittoheadforever wrote:
So this guy was leading a double life and lying to everyone in both of those lives. In what alternate universe would you be in the wrong.
Obviously you're NTA.
OP responded:
I was feeling guilty over the situation with his son, as he's an innocent child who's gonna miss his father. But now that I'm a bit calmer, I can see that is not my fault what happens with him or my ex.
Jumpy_Adagia5122 wrote:
NTA because a) you didn't actually do anything, his other girlfriend caught him cheating, you just clarified the scope of it, b) cheating on the mother doesn't give her the right to separate him from his kid, she can make things difficult but as the father he has a right to see his son and can enforce it if needed, and c) given that he has been proved to be so dishonest how do you know if the threat is even real?
OP responded:
You're right. I don't know exactly how it's going to work out for them, as I know law in that country is not the same as in the US, but is not my problem.
Redlight0516 wrote:
Did you dump him as well? You make it sound like you're still planning on staying with him...which after this you know exactly what you're getting into if you do so please tell us you also dumped him.
For the rest of it: NTA.
OP responded:
Sorry if I gave that impression. I haven't officially broken up with him, but I won't be taking him back, that's for sure.
jam-and-tea wrote:
Just want to say first, NTA, second...definitely didn't get the impression that you were staying with him. I got the impression that it was over as soon as you found out about the other gf.
OP responded:
Yeah, all the love I had for him disappeared as soon as I got to know he had another GF.
eowynsheiress wrote:
NTA. I hope you dumped his horrible butt as well. This man cheated on both of you. Do not marry him. Please make him the ex-fiancé.
OP responded:
I haven't officially broken up with him, but I won't be marrying his cheating a$$.
RaiZZi wrote:
Not gunna lie. When I read the caption I thought Yes, you are.. But then I read your story and, well. No you absolutely are not. You didn't ruin that relationship, he did. He ruined it by lying and sneaking around. Don't take that guilt, it's not yours to carry. You did 100% the right thing! Now move on and never ever look back!
OP responded:
Now that I'm a bit calmer, I can see it was not my fault. Is up to him if he gets custody or not.
agostointhesun wrote:
Is he even so interested in the child? He sees him once a month, when he "goes to see his mum". It reads as if he baby trapped this other woman, and is now using the baby to guilt OP.
OP responded:
By replying to some comments, I noticed he also tried to baby trap me as well. He was very insistent about having kids asap, but I wasn't ready. Bullet dodged, I guess.
creative_gap_8534 wrote:
Do not let this a--hat make you feel bad. He destroyed 3 people's lives with his lies. 4 if you count him. How dare he accuse you of anything? You now have July free to do with as you wish.
OP responded:
I have to cancel everything and I'm probably gonna lose some deposits, but I guess that's better than keeping him around.