'AITA for banning my wife's friend from my house? She pushed me for taking my drunk wife home.'

"AITA for banning my wife's friend from my house after she pushed me for taking my drunk wife home?"

My wife is 27 and I am 28, my wife has a friend, a bit of a close friend in fact she's been friends with her since past 2 years, I don't like her at all and a lot of people find her insufferable. This weekend my wife told me that she's going to her friend's house and she'll spend her evening and night at her place with their two other friends.

I asked her if they'll drink, she told me yes but she won't go overboard this time and she'll book a cab and come to home before 10. I told my wife that she won't book a cab I'll come pick her up and she shouldn't drink a lot, she promised me she won't.

I had this feeling that she might drink too much cause my wife has tendencies of overdrinking especially when she's excited and partying. So I went to pick her up an hour before.

When I showed up at her friend's place I saw all these drunk women dancing, drinking and screaming like they ran out of amental asylum. My wife was laying on the couch clearly drunk, I grabbed my wife and told her it's time to leave.

Her friends stopped me and insisted I let my wife stay for a bit longer and even my wife said to wait for a bit. I told them that they've been having fun and drinking for so many hours and it's more than enough for today.

When I tried to leave with my wife, her friend tried to stop me a bit forcefully and when I didn't listen to her she pushed me and called me controlling and cursed me in front of everyon., I told her that the only reason I am not retaliating is because she's a woman and I'm in her house. But from this moment, she's not allowed in my house. If she comes over to my house ever again I'll call the cops.

I left with my wife and after we got home I fed her. Then she puked and went to sleep with me and she didn't sleep until midnight and didn't let me sleep either and kept saying 'my husband, my husband' and hugged me and she kept complimenting me.

I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy that. But anyway, now her friends -- all of them are telling me that I'm being a controlling husband and I have no right to tell my wife what she can and she can't do. They say I don't have the right to ban her friend from her house.

AITA? Sure I'm a bit angry but my anger is not without a reason and if I appear as a controlling husband I think my wife's situation warrants it and I'm just doing what I think is best for my wife.

The internet had a lot of thoughts about the situation.

Various_Olive_50722 wrote:

We need more. What did your wife have to say the next day when the hang over passed and she learned all that happened?

OP responded:

My wife didn't remember exactly what happened, my wife agreed with me when I told her that her friend is no longer allowed in my house. Her question to me was that 'if she was really that drunk' I just said yes and I told her that I'm not letting her get drunk like this ever again.

She didn't meet or go over to her friend's house after that weekend and she didn't drink more a shot a day, I see improvement and her guilty so I'm taking it slow with her and letting her think for herself.

AFAM_illuminator wrote:

Alcoholics feed alcoholics. The won't let a friend leave their circle, and will fight to keep their claws into this close knit sisterhood (or brotherhood). Personally though, I find women much worse and especially protective of 'the clan.'

Are you an AH? Maybe. Lmao. But your wife is lucky to have you. Keep being you OP. You seem alright to me. Please encourage your wife to 'hobbies' that involve a healthy mindset. Golf, hiking, biking, take some trips/vacations. It will do you both good.

coggiegirl wrote:

Is your wife an alcoholic or is this an every once in a while thing? Not enough information.

Parkingremote444 wrote:

She's 27 and not allowed to stay out past 9pm. Dude talks about women dancing everywhere like they were doing witchcraft or something. He's controlling.

OP responded:

It's actually so stupid and concerning that people on here are saying that I'm controlling but do not understand my wife's drinking habits. I know my wife has a problem with alcohol and I hope and pray to god that my wife would be just as controlling and do whatever needs to be done to help me escape my addiction if I ask as in her stead.

My wife is addicted and her 'friends' are encouraging her instead of helping her STOP. Do these commenters have any experience what it's like to live with an alcoholic? To clean puke at midnight? It's not in me to just give up on my love and find someone else, I would rather try my best to help my wife than just divorcing her and leave her on her own.

I love her more than anything else and if I have to become a controlling husband I will as long as she stops getting drunk like this. I will do whatever it takes to help her with her alcoholism and if it makes me an ab#$er or controlling husband then I'm okay with that, as long as my wife is healthy and lead a good life without alcohol, I'm losing my mind by just reading these comments.

Longwinded_Ogre wrote:

I don't want to be rude here, but how the f is this unclear. You went to get your wife, she said, paraphrasing, that she wasn't ready to go yet, and you decided she was going anyways. I don't really care if your wife was drunk. She's an adult. She was not unsafe.

She has the right to drink and being drunk doesn't mean you have the right to decide for her where she ought to be. She said no and you, having already "grabbed her", decided that didn't matter and took her anyways. Her friend tried to stop you because you were wrong and, if we're being technical about it, abducting your wife.

Maybe you had good intentions, but honestly it feels more like you were being stubborn and were determined to get your way. You're right because you think you were right. Who cares what your wife, a grow adult woman who's entirely within her rights to drink as much as she wants and who cedes none of her adult autonomy to you just because she's drinking, wants.

You wanted her to come home right now and you want the narrative to be that you were a good and noble man who stood up for her safety. But you're not. You're a dude that wanted to have things your way, who thinks he gets to decide for his wife and "hEr SaFeTy" where she, again a grown adult, is allowed to be and when.

YTA. I don't even think it's debatable. She told you she wasn't ready to leave and you decided, in that moment, that you were the boss of her. Her friend was right to try and stop you. You're the only one here that was remotely out of line. I'm going to be honest, I think this is almost certainly symptomatic of some serious inequality in your relationship. I'll bet you justify putting yourself in charge a lot.

CockroachWarm5508 wrote:

NTA for banning the friend from your house, she shouldn't have pushed you. However I think YTA and that there's more to this than meets the eye, because of how you commented "I won't let her get this drunk again" and because of how you went about it all. It's one think to look out for your partner, it's another to make decisions on their behalf and treat them like a child.

If you hate her drinking so much, communicate with her, and realise that sometimes people get sh--faced. As long as she's not doing anything really bad or doing it often, get over it. She was at a friends house, it would be different if she were constantly getting into a state in public. Edit: Seeing now OP is confused about comments suggesting he is controlling, as his wife is an alcoholic.

I would suggest OP that you actually include that in your post for context, as you actually left out a pretty important detail. You can't "love" or "control" somebody out of addiction. You and your wife need professional and familial support if she actually is an alcoholic, and you need to realise that she has to want to change herself.

OP responded:

I'm just concerned about my wife and her safety and our lives I don't care about anything else, I know my wife and I know how much she drinks and I'm trying to do what's best for her. I'm not sure what these commenters are thinking, they think I'm controlling every action of my wife? Like she has to ask for my permission for everything she has to do?

No but when it comes to alcohol my wife clearly can't handle it and take care of herself so as her husband I'll do WHAT MUST BE DONE. It's addiction and my wife is having a problem with it, my wife loves me and that's why she's with me. God forbid a spouse tries to put a stop to intoxication and takes care of their spouse when they are intoxicated.